Marriage
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The Qur´an uses two words to designate the marriage contract: zawaj
(meaning marriage) and nikah (meaning wedlock). The word nikah is the most
frequently used one in the Sharia. It denotes four things in the Qur´an,
according to the experts of Islamic fiqh: marriage, sexual intercourse,
bestowal, and marriageable age. As to the first meaning, the Qur´an says, "Do
not marry idolatresses until they believe" (Sura al-Baqara 2:221). The same
meaning is found in Sura al-Nisa´ 4:25, where it says, "So marry them,
with their people's leave," and Sura al-Nisa´ 4:3, "Marry such
women as seem good to you....." Also in Sura al-Nur 24:3, "A
fornicator may only marry a fornicatress."
The second meaning of the word nikah, which is sexual intercourse, occurs in
Sura al-Baqara 2:230, "Until she marries another husband." In this
verse the actual sexual intercourse between husband and wife is meant.
The third meaning, marriage of bestowal, is found in Sura al-Ahzab 33:50, "And
any woman believer, if she give herself to the Prophet, and if the Prophet
desire to take her in marriage, for thee exclusively, apart from the believers."
This sort of bestowal is lawful only for the Prophet.
The fourth meaning, marriageable age, is in Sura al-Nisa´ 4:6, "Test
well the orphans, until they reach they reach the age of marrying."(1)
Jurists are in unanimous agreement on the fact that nikah means sexual
intercourse and that it is used to denote the marriage contract as a figure of
speech because the marriage contract is the legal means for having intercourse.(2) Nikah
is permissible only after the marriage contract, concluded between the
bridegroom and the bride (al-`aqidan), and the bride's guardian in the presence
of at least two witnesses. Nikah has two elements without which it cannot be
fulfilled: the first is al-´ijab (response), which is the utterance coming
from the guardian or his substitute, and the second is qubul (consent), which is
the utterance coming from the husband or his proxy. Then the husband has to pay
a bridal gift and a marriage portion.(3) The consent of the bride's guardian is essential for
making the marriage contract legal, because "Wedlock cannot be concluded
except through a guardian."(4) The subject of the marriage contract will be treated
in detail later on. Marriage is not a sacrament in Islam as it is in the
Catholic church; rather it is a solemn agreement or binding compact that should
not be tampered with. The Qur´an says, "You have had intercourse with
each other, and they have made a solemn agreement with you" (Sura al-Nisa´
4:21). Wedlock in Islam is based on civil contract, which need not be recorded
in writing.(5)
The Rights a Man Acquires over his Wife
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Jurists have dealt with the rights of husbands and wives over each other and
emphasised the rights of the husband over her wife. Evidence of this fact is the
statement of al-Shafi`i: "Wedlock is a sort of bondage [slavery]." She
is his slave. A wife ought to obey her husband absolutely in everything he asks
of her concerning herself, provided it does not entail disobedience to God.(1) There
are Hadiths supporting this position: "God does not regard a woman who does
not thank her husband, since she cannot do without him."(2) "It
is not permissible that humans should bow down before humans. If humans were
permitted to bow down before humans, the wife would have been commanded to bow
down before her husband because of his great right over her."(3) `A´isha
narrated: "I asked the Prophet, 'Who among people has the greatest right
over the woman?' He answered, 'Her husband.' I asked, 'Who has the greatest
right over the man?' He answered, 'His mother.' "(4) In Ihya´
`ulum al-din, we read, "There was once a certain man who set out on a
journey after having covenanted with his wife that she should not come down from
upstairs to downstairs. Her father was downstairs. When he fell ill, the woman
sent for the Messenger of God asking his permission to go down to see her
father. The Messenger of God said, 'Obey your husband.' The father died. She
tried again to get permission from him to see her father, but he said again,
'Obey your husband.' Her father was buried. The Messenger of God sent a message
to her that her father was forgiven on account of her obedience to her husband."(5) In
al-Ghazzali's opinion, the obedience of the wife to her husband is one of the
pillars of faith. "If the woman performs her five [prayers], fasts her
month, keeps her genitalia [remains chaste] and obeys her husband, she enters
the heaven of her Lord."(6) Al-Ghazzali attributes this narrative to Muhammad. In
another narrative, `A´isha said, quoting Muhammad, "A girl asked the
Messenger of God, 'O Messenger of God, what right does a husband have over his
wife?' He said, 'If he was covered from the parting [of his hair] to the bottom
of his feet with matter [or pus], and she licked him, she still has not thanked
him enough.' "(7)
Ibn Abbas narrated, "A woman from Khath`am came to the Prophet of God, and
asked him, saying, 'I am not a virgin, and I want to be married off. What is the
right of the husband [over the wife]?' He answered, 'The right a husband
acquires over the wife is that she should not keep herself away from him [even]
if they were on the back of a camel and he desired her and tried to take her. It
is his right that she should not give anything belonging to his house except by
his permission; if she does so [without his permission], she will be guilty and
he will get the reward. It is his right also that she should not fast
voluntarily except by his permission; and if she fasts and goes hungry and
thirsty, it will not be accepted of her. If she goes out from his house without
his permission, the angels curse her till she comes back to his house or
repents.' "(8)
In a weak tradition Muhammad is said to have stated that "the woman is
nearest to her Lord's Face when she is in the innermost part of her home. Her
prayer in the courtyard of her house is better than her prayer in the mosque,
and her prayer in her home is better than her prayer in the courtyard of her
house, and her prayer in her chamber is even better than her prayer in her home."(9)
Perhaps this stress on keeping the woman confined to her chamber stems from
the statement of the Prophet of Islam: "The woman has ten nakednesses; when
she marries the husband covers one nakedness, and when she dies the grave covers
all ten of them."(10)
Al-Ghazzali lists the rights a husband acquires over his wife as follows:
The rights a husband acquires over his wife are numerous. The most important
are two: The first is protection and covering, and the second one is desisting
from demanding anything that is beyond the needful, and refraining from what he
earns if it were from an unlawful source. This was the way of women in the past.
When a man would go out of his home, his wife and daughter would say to him, "Beware
of ill-gotten gain; we can endure hunger and hardship, but we can by no means
endure the Fire." A man in the past went on a journey. His neighbours
resented his departure, and said to his wife, 'Why do you consent to his
travelling although he left you no provision?" She replied, "I have
known my husband as an eater, not as a provider, and I have a God that provides
for me. The eater will perish and the Provider will remain." One of the
duties of the wife is not to squander his money but keep it. The Messenger of
God said, "She is not allowed to feed [people] from [the provision of] his
house except by his permission, barring damp food that is about to rot. If she
feeds by his approval, she receives the same reward as he. If she feeds without
his permission, he receives the reward and she the guilt." Her parents have
the obligation to teach her good conduct and pleasant treatment of the husband.
Some of the rights he acquires over her are:
She should keep her husband's honour in his absence, seek his pleasure in
all her affairs, not deal unfaithfully with him in terms of herself or his
money, and not go outdoors except by his permission. When she goes out by his
permission, she should be shabbily dressed and should seek secluded areas,
keeping away from the streets and the market-places, and should be careful not
to let a stranger hear her voice or recognise her. On her errands, she should
not let herself be known to her husband's friends, but rather conceal her
identity from anyone she thinks knows her or vice versa. Her main concern ought
to be how to mind her affairs and manage her home, eager to perform her prayer
and her fasting. If her husband's friend happens to ask for permission [to come
in] while her husband is not there, she ought not to inquire or answer his
question out of jealousy over herself and her husband. She should be content
with the provision God gives her husband, promoting her husband's rights over
her own and her family's rights, observing cleanliness of her body, ready always
to let him enjoy her whenever he desires, having compassion for her children,
being protective over them, refraining from cursing the children or
contradicting her husband. Muhammad said, "Both I and a woman with burnt
cheeks, such as these, will be in heaven-- a woman who was hated by her husband,
locked herself up, and tended to her daughters until they married [or died]."
He also said, "God has forbidden all mankind from entering heaven before
me, yet I will look to my right and behold a woman will go ahead of me to the
gate of paradise. Then I will say, 'Why is this one going ahead of me?' And it
will be answered, 'O Muhammad, this is a fair and beautiful woman who cared for
orphans and was patient with them till they reached their destiny, and God
thanked her for this.' " The accepted standard of behaviour from her is
that she should not boast over her husband for her beauty, or despise him for
his ugliness. Then I knew she was a godly woman who had a husband for whom she
adorned herself.
She should practice good behaviour and keep herself secluded in her
husband's absence, and to return to playfulness and exhilaration [which bring
pleasure] in her husband's presence. She is not to hurt her husband by any
means. Mu`ads Ibn Jabal narrates, "The Messenger of God said, 'Whenever a
woman hurts her husband, his wife of the wide-eyed houris says, "Do not
hurt him. May God fight you [or damn you]! With you he is a passer-by, who is
about to leave you to come to us.' "(11)
The Hanafite jurist al-Kasani sums up man's rights over his wife in this
statement: "He has the right to look at her and touch her in her lifetime,
because intercourse [which is established already as his good right] is beyond
looking and touching. And since it [i.e. intercourse] has been established as
lawful, then looking and touching are established as so after the same manner.
It is disputable, however, whether to take pleasure in her apart from the sexual
organs when she has her menstrual period or in child-birth. Among these rights
is "the possession of pleasure", which means that the husband has the
exclusive right to all of her body for the purpose of pleasure, or the
possession of herself or her soul as a right for self-gratification, an opinion
which is agreed upon by all our theological leaders, for the purposes of
intercourse cannot be fulfilled without these.(12) Among
these rights is keeping her locked and confined, which means the right to forbid
her from going out in public. This is based on God's command to "house
women" (Sura al-Talaq 65:6). The command to "house" them actually
forbids a woman from going out and showing herself in public, because the
command to do a certain thing forbids one from doing its opposite. Were she not
forbidden from going out in public, she would be a temptation, and parentage of
the children would be in doubt, for this makes a man suspicious and causes him
to deny his parentage.(13)
The man has the right to forbid his wife and daughters from going out so that
there should be no temptation, and because of the danger of "the disorder
of parentage."(14)
At the end of this chapter I would like to present a list of a woman's
duties to her husband as quoted from a book recently published in Arabic. These
are the things she should not do:
- She should avoid standing on the balcony.
- She should conceal herself while welcoming men at the door.
- She should not go out after she has used perfume.
- She should wear her dresses long and not imitate unbelieving women.
- She should not speak in a loud voice.
- She should not walk in the middle of the road.
- She should not mingle with men or shake hands with them.
The author then lists in brief what she should do in the following:
- Speak softly and honourably when you are walking.
- Walk by the side of the road, and keep away from the middle.
- Beware of standing by the door to welcome guests.
- Do not go out of your home frequently for unnecessary things.
- Do not lower your veil outside your house under any circumstances whatever.
- When you stand in the balcony, take care what you wear.
- Beware of shaking hands with strange men. Don't travel without a guardian
relative. These two actions are abominations and are the pitfalls of the women
of our time.
- Watch not to waste your time uselessly; so praise [God] and ask for His
pardon frequently in an inaudible voice.
- Avoid turning around and always look down.
- You are weak and in need of your Lord's mercy; so raise your hands up to
Him constantly asking for His pardon for your guilt, and for health for your
good deeds.(15)
The Rights a Woman Acquires over her Husband
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Muhammad said in his final address, "And now, people, you acquire
certain rights over your wives, and they do you. The right you acquire over them
is that they should not let someone you hate sleep in your beds, and not to
commit a manifest obscenity [or adultery]. If they do [commit it], then God has
given you permission to leave them alone in their beds and give them a beating,
though not too hard. If they give over, they get their provision and clothing
with kindness; I command you good-will for your wives, for they are your
captives(1)
that do not own anything of their own. You have taken them by the faithfulness
of God, and made their sexual organs lawful for you by the words of God."(2)
`Abdullah Ibn `Amr Ibn al-`As narrated: "The Messenger of God said to
me, 'O `Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast daily during the day
and offer prayers every night throughout the Fast?' `Abdullah replied, 'Yes, O
Messenger of God!' The Prophet said, 'Don't do that; fast for few days and then
give it up for few days, offer prayers and also sleep at night, as your body
requires, and your wife has her rights.' "(3) Hakim
Ibn Mu`awiya al-Qushayri, quoting his father, said, "I said, 'O Messenger
of God, what is the right that the wife of any of us acquires over him?' He
replied, 'To feed and clothe her, if you yourself have food and clothing. Do not
slap her on the face, nor utter obscenities to her, nor desert her except inside
the house.' "(4)
Protection by the husband is one of the rights that the woman acquires.
Muhammad said, "I warn you about the right of the two weak ones: the orphan
and the women."(5)
Sexual intercourse is another right she has over him, because it is the duty of
the husband as long as he has no excuse. Malik holds this same opinion.(6) If he
travels for any reason or for any necessity, she must forego this right no
matter how long his journey lasts. But if he has no substantial excuse, and
makes excuses for not having intercourse several times, then they can be
separated [by law].(7)
If he has a free woman for wife, he has to sleep with her once every four
nights, and if he has four wives, each of them receive one night every four
nights.(8)
He should treat his wives justly. Muhammad said in the Hadith, "If a man
has two wives, and he shows favour to one against the other, he will come on the
Resurrection Day with a limp."(9)
The Importance of Marriage in Islam
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Marriage, according to the Qur´an, is a desirable thing: "Marry
the spouseless among you, and your slaves and handmaidens that are righteous"
(Sura al-Nur 24:32). It is the religious tradition (sunna) of the Prophet
Muhammad: "Wedlock [nikah] is my tradition in religion; whoever does not
apply my law has no part with me. Marry, because I will vie the nations in
number by you. Whoever has the ability to marry, let him marry, and whoever has
not the ability, let him resort to fasting; for fasting is as good as
castration."(1)
Marriage is also half of the faith: "When the servant marries, he
completes half of his religion; so let him fear God in the remaining half."(2)
According to the jurists it is an obligation when one has a strong desire;
namely one is guilty if he has a desire for a certain woman, is financially able
to fulfill it (in marriage), but does not marry. He has committed a cardinal sin.(3)
Muhammad has prohibited celibacy.(4) In Hadith we read: "There will be none in
paradise but have two wives; he will be able to see their legs even if they are
behind seventy garments."(5) In Musnad of Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, it says, "Our
tradition [sunna] is wedlock. The most evil among you are those who are
celibate, and the vilest among your dead are those who are celibate."(6)
Muhammad once asked a man named `Akaf if he was married, the man replied, "No,
by God." He asked, "Do you have a concubine?" The man answered, "No."
Muhammad asked, "Are you well off?" He said, "Yes." Muhammad
said, "You are, then, a brother of the devils. And if you are a Christian,
you are also their brother.(7) But if you are one of us, our life-style is giving in
marriage."(8)
Muhammad aroused men's interest in marriage because women bring blessing and
wealth: "Marry women because they bring possession"(9) and "Two
prostrations by a married man are better than seventy by someone who is single."(10)
We learn from the stories of tradition that marriage is not only the law of
Muhammad, but the law of all the prophets, as well. "Whoever embraces my
religion, and the religion of David, Solomon, and Abraham let him marry so long
as he can; otherwise let him fight for the cause of God. If he is martyred [dies
in war], God will wed him to the wide-eyed houris. The only exception to this is
that if he attends to his parents or if he is under binding obligation to
people."(11)
So the one who does not marry exposes himself to the curse of God and the
angels: "The curse of God and of angels and of all the people is upon
anyone who lives in celibacy-- there is no celibacy after John, the son of
Zachariah."(12)
The most important reason for marriage is bearing children. Jabir narrated, "While
we were returning with the Messenger of God from a certain incursion, I started
driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy one. A rider came behind me... Behold
the rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'Why are you in such haste?' I replied, 'I am
newly married.' He asked, 'Did you marry a virgin or matron [a previously
married woman]?' I answered, 'She is a matron.' He said, 'Then, [seek to beget]
children! Children, O Jabir.' "(13)
It seems that in oriental societies it is a tradition and a part of their
history to despise and suspect celibates! Anyone who does not marry exposes
himself to all sorts of accusations. Ibrahim Ibn Masarra narrated, "Tawus
said to me, 'Get married or else I will say to you what `Umar said to Abu
al-Zawa´id: "The only thing that keeps you from marrying is impotence
or lasciviousness." ' "(14)
The Importance of Marriage from the Viewpoint of the Jurists
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The jurists say: "The only worship that has been instituted since the
time of Adam till now, which will continue in paradise, is wedlock and faith."(1) Ibn
Humam says about the relationship of wedlock to worship, "It is the closest
thing to worship; so that occupying oneself with it is better than abandoning it
for mere worship."(2) The importance and high position that the jurists
place on wedlock (nikah) lie in its being "A cause for the existence of
Islam and the Muslim." It is, therefore, preferred to worship and fighting
(Jihad). It is the cause of the existence of the Muslim and Islam, while Jihad
only furthers Islam.(3)
In Radd al-muhtar, the author says, "It has been preferred to Jihad. Both
of them are the cause of the existence of the Muslim and Islam, because the
result of the marriage of one single Muslim is much more than the result of
fighting. In Jihad you only kill and subdue non-Muslims."(4)
Moreover, there are "other interests regarding wedlock, such as keeping
women and oneself from fornication. Wedlock is the only means of obtaining
pleasure."(5)
There are others, as well, who claim that wedlock is a religious obligation
just like fasting, praying, and the other requirements of faith; so that any who
abandon it, being capable of paying the marriage portion, supporting a wife, and
having intercourse, is considered guilty of sin. Shafi`i, however, thinks it is
merely permissible, just like selling or bargaining. They infer that it is a
religious duty or obligation from the fact that one is enjoined to abstain from
fornication. They say, "Since abstaining from fornication is a religious
imperative, and since this can only be attained by wedlock, then that which is
the only means to attain to a religious imperative, is also an imperative."(6) The
jurists, however, think that nikah cannot possibly mean lust; if it were so,
they argue, the Prophet, who married more than one wife, should have sufficed
himself with one wife.(7)
Yet, it seems that there is no real agreement among the jurists that nikah is a
religious obligation or duty. Those who disagree on the issue of having to marry
as an incumbent religious obligation quote Sura Al Imran 3:39, "The angels
called him [Zachariah] while he was standing praying at the shrine: 'God gives
news of John, who will confirm word from God, masterful yet circumspect [hasur,
i.e. celibate], and a prophet [chosen] from among honourable people.' " "This
Qur´anic statement points out the celibacy of John as a merit worthy of
praise. Hasur means someone who does not have sexual relations with women in
spite of being able to do so. If nikah was a religious obligation, then John
wouldn't have been praised on the account of abandoning it; since abandoning an
obligation is worthy of blame rather than praise."(8)
Al-Sarakhsi rejects this view and argues that "nikah is the tradition of
Muhammad, while celibacy was the tradition of John. A Muslim has to follow the
tradition of Muhammad."(9) The consensus of jurists agree that the increase of
the nation is for the public good, since Muhammad will boast over the rest of
the nations on the Day of Resurrection because of the large number of his
nation."(10)
go to
CHAPTER 9 - Marriage from the Viewpoint of the Sufis
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